Guess what is the number one sexy trait girls look for in a guy? Nope, it’s not their eyes. And it’s not their wallet…
Its confidence. But how can you become confident overnight? I mean, when you haven’t accomplished much to speak of, it can seem like a Catch-22 situation. How can you just decide to become confident? That’s like deciding to become taller, or skinnier, or smarter, right? Do you feel like you need confidence to accomplish your goals, but you also need to have accomplished the goal to feel confident?
Well, you’ve heard the old phrase- fake it til you make it.
It sounds silly, and maybe even too good to be true. The truth is that ‘faking it til you make it’ is really, really hard. But it is the first step to becoming more confident.
So how is faking confidence also how to get a girlfriend?
It’s a placebo effect. Just like when patients take a placebo drug, but believe it to be a real drug, their own expectations of its efficacy are often JUST as powerful as the treatment itself!
Faking it til you make it is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, which is an idea that is so intrinsic to humanity it’s been around since Ancient Greece!
When you hold a certain belief about the way a situation is going to turn out, it often invokes behavior that leads to your prediction actually coming true (which is why ‘lucky’ objects come to hold such power for their believers).
Unfortunately this can also work against you: if you believe that you’re a shy loser who sucks at talking to girls… guess what is going to happen when that cute girl comes over to your dorm with a flimsy excuse to say hi?
Yup. You have no idea how to talk to her, and she goes away. But if you believed in your heart of hearts that you love talking to women, that you’re a great guy… well, the outcome might have been a little different!
For this reason you must examine all the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and your expectation of the world. Your beliefs are the very fabric of your life- and you control the pattern. It takes a lot of work to change old, unhelpful beliefs, but it truly will change your life.
So, the takeaway from all this is that you can build your confidence right now, in this very moment, by telling yourself that you’ve got what it takes.
The more that you believe you are capable of accomplishing, the more you actually can accomplish, whether it is coming up with how to get a girlfriend or starting the successful business that only you can run.
We know from medical trials that the placebo effect is so strong it can actually overcome diseases!! Think about that power in terms of the self-fulling prophecy- there are literally no limits to what you can accomplish other than those you set yourself.
You set the terms of your own agreement.
So take the first step. Believe you can do it. Does this mean that success is going to come easily, or overnight? Does this mean girls are going to fall out of the sky right now, right into your lap?
No, of course not- but you will accomplish your goals. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even this year. But if you believe you can accomplish them, you WILL accomplish them. Don’t get disheartened if at first you don’t succeed. It takes many, many failures to achieve a success of any kind- and when you look up at your heroes, try to always realize that they are standing tall because they have made the best of so many hundreds and hundreds of failures both large and small.
Treasure each tiny success. Remember back on it to build yourself up and further increase your confidence: consider keeping a small list somewhere you can revisit it periodically for an added boost. So much in life is out of our hands- but no matter what happens there is one person in the world you always know should be on your side. You.
Here’s a few more ways you can build up your confidence.
1. Continue your education.
in 348 BC Plato said “The object of education is to teach us to love beauty,” and this has never ceased to be true. Education will not only expand your career options, it also allows you to more deeply appreciate and understand your life and the life all around you. With an educated mind, you will never be bored or in want of good conversation- and women love a man with something to say. And being broke is no excuse anymore to not further your education- there are literally hundreds of online programs offered FOR FREE by some of the best colleges in the world. You can study on your own and still learn quite a lot. Also, try checking out TEDtalks- they are also free, and there is at least one on almost anything you can think of. You’ll thank us for sending you down this rabbit-hole, and so will the next girl you talk to- I promise you you’ll be the most interesting person she has talked to all week after you’ve watched a few TEDtalks.
2. Build a strong routine.
Nothing helps you feel confident and in control like keeping your promises to yourself, especially promises that help you build a healthy life. Try building an iron clad routine of at least TWO habits that you know will make you feel good, like meditation and cardio, for example. Decide to do them every day before you do anything else. An excellent method to build a new habit is called “Don’t Break the Chain.” Jerry Seinfeld says it is the single thing which led him to his own success, and it is as simple as pie. All you need is a calendar and a marker. Every day you accomplish your goal, you get to make a big X over that particular day. Your goal is to create a long chain of Xs- an endless chain of Xs! And don’t break the chain. Jerry Seinfeld used this method not only to craft one of the best comedy routines in history, but also to meditate. Yup, Seinfeld is a long-time meditator. Give it a shot. It can’t hurt!
3. Don’t take yourself so seriously!
Assume that what you want is coming to you, and get out of your own way. Stop obsessing about your goals and just start acting as though you have already accomplished them. If your goals include being a successful business owner with a hot, thoughtful wife, what would your behavior be like once you’ve achieved this goal? Would you be sleeping in til noon, eating microwave meals, and be disrespectful to women? No way!
You’d be getting up at seven (or earlier) and making a to-do list for your day; you’d be cracking on your way to a successful day before everyone else has even had their lunch. You would have the opposite of the scarcity mindset.
Where people get confused on this idea of ‘fake it til you make it’ is thinking that they should just act like assholes. This is because they have a misinformed idea of what a successful person acts like, probably thanks to reality tv.
Whether or not they realize it, they treat others the same way that they treat themselves—they’re critical, unkind, negative, and impossible to satisfy. Don’t be this guy!
Confident people are not threatened by other people’s dickhead behavior, or even bad situations, because they know they are capable of rising to the challenge.
Confidence- it’s the single most important tool you have to make your dreams come true, and it can be yours the moment you decide to reach for it.
And you know what? You’re worth it.